Surrender

8 weeks in...
Shattering, that's what this training does to a person, in the less obvious levels of existence.  I weep hysterically sometimes, letting go of everything that I thought I was, and people say to me, you seem so happy...strangely happy.  

The experience of this quality that exists within the turning, it really does "turn" the world upside down, in a deeper way than I ever felt with Polarity, in a more enduring way than I get from being in the studio, the tentacles of the essence weave me new, give me a different cellular configuration, and it is palpable, if not entirely explainable.  
It's not peaches n' cream, I am really grumpy most mornings, and awful vivid dreams, and that's the point of the practice, leading me to surrender, to the point of just letting go of all my conceptualizations, even beauty.  

Color, sound, taste, they don't matter anymore.  I am embodying a different quality now, that is nothing, and how to explain that this nothingness is the most beautiful treasure...my eyes feel to me as if I am a podling, seeing through a glass at once cold and full of prisms, a glass that makes me crazy.  
Now  I let it go...