Broken

So, my lovely body has given me tonsillitis again.  It is saying slow down, slow down Hannah, let yourself fall apart.  I am so strong, can fight so hard, can love eternally in the face of doubt, can hope on the flimsiest of rainbow beams and then build great homes out of those same rays of light.  But I am broken.  I do not want to be a single mom, I do not want to build up again and again and again, like Sisyphus.  I do not want to make life out of this storm.  I desire only to love more, to be loved, to rest in the arms of my beloved Kevin and just be.  I desire to feel the summer sun with great peace and inner joy, to know in the depth of my bones that all is ok with the world, with my family, with our hearts.  I desire that a crazy unexpected and gentle subtle ecstasy will rise within my union, in its ephemerality reorganizing all that has come before, opening new thresholds in the sky, to ride on dragon wings together.  I do not know if I have the strength to stop desiring, or the ability to plummet into these depths of grief and still survive.  Can I fly with broken wings?  Can we fly with broken wings?  Is there really any way out of this broken-ness but through it?  I let go, I lay in bed sobbing, I leave it to a greater intelligence.
Much Love,
Luna Dancing Heart

Dancin'

Wow we are given so much, so much!  Today I receive the blessings of many many friends, the glory of a blue sky filled with dragon clouds, the feel of my body dancing, the work of a lifetime opening up.  Here are some rehearsal pics for my show in production.  It's titled Circles of Light and is dealing with all of this in my life, opening windows, looking at horizons of gratitude and joy alongside the great vast emptiness.  It premiers July 4th, so off to the sewing machine and search engines for music!!

Hafiz

Hafiz is a great Sufi poet, his writings accessible and illuminating.  Through this earthquake, the moment of density between invoultion and evolution of my marital relationship, Hafiz is a treasure.  Each day, I wake up to see what he says, and I am called then to love more deeply in the face of hurt, to love more and be happy, to be the rock and the cloud and the pillar of fire, because that is the only way out of this mess.
 

The Mule Got Drunk and Lost in Heaven

The
Mind is ever a tourist
Wanting to touch and buy new things
Then toss them into an already 
Filled closet.
So I craft my words into those guides
That will offer you something fresh 
From the Hidden's Tavern.
Few things are stronger than
The mind's need for diverse 
Experience.
I am glad
Not many men or women can remain
Faithful lovers to the unreal.
There is a kind of adultery God encourages:
Your spirit needs to leave the bed
Of fear.
The gross, the subtle, the mental worlds
Become as a worthless husband.
Women need 
To utilize thier superior intelligence
About love
So that their hour's legacy
Can make us all stronger and more clement.
Sometimes a poem happens like this one:
The mule I sit on while I recite
Starts off in one direction
But then gets drunk
And lost in
Heaven.

Peace~

Birthday

In the midst of all that is going on, Mathias has turned 6.  I am reminded of a children's book from my childhood days, Now we are Six, in which the child is so proud because he can now tie his shoes, communicate himself, and in general has become his own little being.  We had a party complete with games and pinata, lots of little boy energy, and a scary tarantula/black widow cake! Happy Birthday little bundle of hugs :)

The Eagles - Desperado

First Sema

Ridiculously difficult, unbelievably beautiful!  LOVE is all there is to say~

Grounding and Centering

OK, this transformative process is real.  Becoming a semazen, or whirling dervish, acts on all levels of awareness, from the nervous system to the emotional field, the thought field, the spiritual realm, and beyond into a darkness that is at once the light of creation.

All of us new semazens are rapidly centrifuging all old patterns to the surface to be dealt with.  It's a steep path, a quick ascent up the mount of olives, and the ripples created from this change take time to settle in the world of relationships.

What is amazing to me is the power of multiple centers.  I am learning how to act and love from the center that is appropriate to the situation, and this is revolutionary.  


My physical center, my spine, is my way of being in the world.  
My magnetic center, the axis upon which I rotate in the whirling, is my way of being in passion and the depths of cosmic love.
My emotional center, my heart, is my way of discernment, it is where touch and speech and manifestation occur.  It is central to my human relationships.
My diamond caves, of the mind, the bones, the past, and possibility, act as additional little centers from which recharging and downloading takes place.
My art, my dancing, is my ground upon which all of these play, it is my integrative and generative force.


I am putting up shows again.  I am moving and creating and sharing and teaching and being taught.  I am a multiplicity.  I am an artist.  I am everything I desire.  That's necessary, that's good.  Thank goodness for my passion, thank goodness for my craft, thank goodness for my spine, thank goodness for my relationships.  May they all be blessed by the beauty of this centrifugal force.  


And it is so.