Saturday, March 13, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Surrender
8 weeks in...
Shattering, that's what this training does to a person, in the less obvious levels of existence. I weep hysterically sometimes, letting go of everything that I thought I was, and people say to me, you seem so happy...strangely happy.
The experience of this quality that exists within the turning, it really does "turn" the world upside down, in a deeper way than I ever felt with Polarity, in a more enduring way than I get from being in the studio, the tentacles of the essence weave me new, give me a different cellular configuration, and it is palpable, if not entirely explainable.
It's not peaches n' cream, I am really grumpy most mornings, and awful vivid dreams, and that's the point of the practice, leading me to surrender, to the point of just letting go of all my conceptualizations, even beauty.
Color, sound, taste, they don't matter anymore. I am embodying a different quality now, that is nothing, and how to explain that this nothingness is the most beautiful treasure...my eyes feel to me as if I am a podling, seeing through a glass at once cold and full of prisms, a glass that makes me crazy.
Now I let it go...
Shattering, that's what this training does to a person, in the less obvious levels of existence. I weep hysterically sometimes, letting go of everything that I thought I was, and people say to me, you seem so happy...strangely happy.
The experience of this quality that exists within the turning, it really does "turn" the world upside down, in a deeper way than I ever felt with Polarity, in a more enduring way than I get from being in the studio, the tentacles of the essence weave me new, give me a different cellular configuration, and it is palpable, if not entirely explainable.
It's not peaches n' cream, I am really grumpy most mornings, and awful vivid dreams, and that's the point of the practice, leading me to surrender, to the point of just letting go of all my conceptualizations, even beauty.
Color, sound, taste, they don't matter anymore. I am embodying a different quality now, that is nothing, and how to explain that this nothingness is the most beautiful treasure...my eyes feel to me as if I am a podling, seeing through a glass at once cold and full of prisms, a glass that makes me crazy.
Now I let it go...
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Avatar
In the dreamtime we are all avatars, blue people of superb sensitivity and conviction manifesting life from the heart. That's why the movie is so enormously popular; like Harry Potter, it contains mythic truth. For me, the timing of my seeing it was beautiful.
In training to perform sema (the ceremony of the whirling dervish) one is gently and consistently led to the edge of their egoic capacities. The sense of reality is turned upon its head, and one comes to view the experience inside turning as the source of all life, rather than the mundane state of worldly machinations. It freaks us out, the ego is strong, like a little child it tends to throw great tantrums, and really it must be loved and held just so if it is to acquiesce its position of power. I am training now, and I have just seen avatar this past week.
For me, the main character came up against his ego/inner child/greatest need and human limitation, which was his longing for legs and normalcy and a great need to be valued. In confronting all this he opened to a strangely beautiful and bizarre world which demanded that he let go to its reality. He titrated between the inner and the outer world for awhile, but eventually the truth of his heart led to divine union beneath Ewa.
Once he let go, the mundane world no longer held sway over him, and in mythic proportion he died to be reborn in a glorious unified body.
It is a beautiful heart opening action movie. Perfect!
xoxoxo
In training to perform sema (the ceremony of the whirling dervish) one is gently and consistently led to the edge of their egoic capacities. The sense of reality is turned upon its head, and one comes to view the experience inside turning as the source of all life, rather than the mundane state of worldly machinations. It freaks us out, the ego is strong, like a little child it tends to throw great tantrums, and really it must be loved and held just so if it is to acquiesce its position of power. I am training now, and I have just seen avatar this past week.
For me, the main character came up against his ego/inner child/greatest need and human limitation, which was his longing for legs and normalcy and a great need to be valued. In confronting all this he opened to a strangely beautiful and bizarre world which demanded that he let go to its reality. He titrated between the inner and the outer world for awhile, but eventually the truth of his heart led to divine union beneath Ewa.
Once he let go, the mundane world no longer held sway over him, and in mythic proportion he died to be reborn in a glorious unified body.
It is a beautiful heart opening action movie. Perfect!
xoxoxo
Sunday, February 21, 2010
First Poems
By Aurora:
I am
I am You
I am
Box
Oy Boxes!
Box
Boxes!
Jam are you
good?
Yes I am
J
A
MMy little existentialist =)
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Available
My dissertation is now publicly available. I have received my marks, been formally given a passing grade, and will attend my graduation on March 10th! Now that I can breathe again, I am happy to share my work. Due to the large images, the work does not email easily. I prefer to send out printed copies to interested parties. It costs me about $25/18 pounds to print, bind, and send, so if you would like a copy, message me and I will finish arrangements my email or phone. Selaam~
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
15
Today is my boys birthday! 15 years ago he passed into the earthly plane by my will and effort, 15 years ago he breathed his first breath on the life journey which is uniquely his. I miss him incredibly, and I let him go, to soar. He is playing Voodoo Child (slight return) in the school talent show auditions today, he is playing basketball, he is going to be an adult before long. How does this happen? I know his cries and his giggles, his tickle spots, his favorite foods, the books he has cherished and those he found boring, the movies which excite him, the ways in which he gets hurt. And there is so much I don't know, the depth or magnitude of his inner life, the outplay of the choices he makes on a daily basis. On this day I wish us both a hearty congratulations, and I send the archangel Rafael to guard him, and Gabriel to be his friend.
Shalom~
Shalom~
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Open Window
These past two months feel just like this, standing at a threshold, wading into an open sea, wildness and bliss, tasting salt. (Dolombache Palace, Istanbul)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)